RUG SHITTING; UNLAWFUL FLIGHT TO AVOID PROSECUTION; CONSIPIRACY TO HARASS FELINES; MURDER AND ATTEMPTED MURDER OF FELINE TOYS; ROBBERY OF FELINE TOYS; UNLAWFUL FLIGHT TO AVOID CONFINEMENT; EXTORTION OF TREATS; MALICIOUS DAMAGE; EXPLOSIVE FLATULENCE WHICH RESULTED IN (EMOTIONAL) INJURY; BURGLARY; ETC.
 
LUCILLE
 
   
  Photograph taken August 2000 Photograph taken October 2000  
 
Aliases: Pug Baby, Puggie, Baby, Weenie-Head, Snortface, Little Shit, Shithead, Dork, Get-The-Hell-Over-Here-Now-You-Little-Shit, Sweetie

DESCRIPTION

Date of Birth: 5/16/00 Hair: Black
Place of Birth: San Lorenzo, California Eyes: Black
Height: 12" Complexion: furry
Weight: 15 lbs Sex: Female
Build: Puggish Race: Only with her brother
Occupation(s): Grand Mistress of Hell-Raising Nationality: Pugonian
Scars and Marks: scar on abdomen from ovariohysterectomy; acne
Remarks: will do anything for a carrot-flavored Nylabone Edible

CAUTION

She is able to hypnotize humans in mere seconds. Symptoms of this hypnosis include baby-talk, laughter and a compulsive need to offer food. If spotted, call your local PBI office immediately at (800) 555-FOOD.

CONSIDERED UNARMED AND EXTREMELY GULLIBLE

IF YOU HAVE ANY INFORMATION CONCERNING THE ACTIVITIES OF THIS FUGITIVE, PLEASE CONTACT YOUR LOCAL PBI OFFICE.

REWARD

The PBI is actually too cheap to offer a reward. Mr. Bealz, a major source of funding, won't have anything to do with it. Rumor has it that you'll get a big hug from the PBI Director, but you'll have to weigh that against the fact that the Pugonian Mafia will have a contract out on your life.